This is the true test of being conscious!  It’s when all of plans and all of the humanly based promises vanish; almost as if they never existed to begin with!  The experiential void through such circumstance can take one deeper into Self than, perhaps, ever before.  There, begins to be the realization that an empty place in the human heart; can only be filled through the generation of something new, complete and incredible from within!
 

The truth of experiential void, more than anything else, remarks that which one projects outward overlaying (like a veil) the true vision of reality.  As a man that has always put everything into that which he declared important, in each moment, I find myself very aware of having had invented something within my own consciousness that was, perhaps, never there as I thought that it actually was.  This can be done at every conceivable level in life; personally and professionally.  You can never take from life; something that you don’t already have to offer to it!  I can only create from the mirror of my current reality.  If I believe something about myself or another, I can make it true in my experience – even when it’s not really true in reality.  The human condition is a great incubator for illusion; if my identity remains in the form of things.
 

As I have been waking up, of late, to the reality of my misconceptions and misinterpretations, I now find myself with a very quiet feeling inside.
 

I am (in part) feeling afraid of recreating something, again, from a place of what may be illusion.  I keep my conversations with people, now, very simple and without creating expectation or promises.
 

Most of my life, I moved into circumstances with a boldness and commanding presence; so eager to manifest something.  That old way of pushing things to the limit, and trying with such an effort, has now changed in my experience drastically.  I just never want to feel the same pains associated with delusions, as was a product of my thinking of yesterday, and yesteryear, ever again.  I am insisting that, within my own capacities, which I now embrace the lessons that life is beckoning me to finally have known in my experience!
 

I think that my experience now of myself is much different than ever before.  For many years, I did not offer myself the respect that I deserved.  And, consequently, if one doesn’t respect themselves, they also don’t receive it sufficiently from others or offer it sufficiently to others.  It all comes down to an essence of Being; an essence that is continually created at all of the experiential levels.
 

As a dysfunctional state is most prevalent in the world at large, it is very easy to look outward to try to attach reasons for that which one labels inadequacies.  But it’s rarely based in the clarity of truth; as avoidance in acknowledging one’s responsibility creates its own mirage!
 

The most valuable lessons in life seem to be the ones that are the most challenging to learn from…!  And, yet, they are truly the greatest gift.  While the student in each of us can whine like a hurt little child; even in the reality of such trepidation can be come some of the greatest of human realizations and virtue.